His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
