So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
