If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
