Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
