first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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