u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
