I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
