Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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