its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
