Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
