no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
operation harelip BJ is a go
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this will be a night to untag.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize