Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
two words: eviction party
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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