New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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