Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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