im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Even my vagina gasped.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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