So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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