just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
