Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
