I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
