and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
