I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
