dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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