Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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