This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
