But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
