I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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