My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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