i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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