It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
