I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
