i would punch a child for taco bell
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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