She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
