dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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