My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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