Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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