yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
