He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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