I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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