What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
