Kiss
Puke
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
