I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
