that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
