your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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