Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
