his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
