Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
