If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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