Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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