Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
