ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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