her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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