Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i will never coherently bang her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
