on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
