He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize