Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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