I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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