New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
