I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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