I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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