I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
