the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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