dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
