he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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