My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
