"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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