So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
