I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize