Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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