it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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