We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
