I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize