i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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