just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
