Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
