Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
