i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
