Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
