dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize