I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
