Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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