Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
