laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
