yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
thus making me awesome and them whores
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
