Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Two words: nipple clamps
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