there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My bed smells like the plague
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
