Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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