i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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