he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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