My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
