so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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