there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
